Me Smash!

It really doesn’t surprise me that I would or could come to a conclusion such as this. It has been more or less a major theme of my existence up to this point but now I have a patched together social circle mostly made of other people who don’t really fit in. And now that I have a social circle does that mean I fit in? Meh…at least I know I’ll fit in with the zombies if they’d ever frickin’ hurry up and get here.

By the bye, don’t feel bad for me. My friends are the greatest ever and so is my wife!

Friar YamFu

On Saturday June 20th, Lou Brandenberg passed away. Lou was my step-father for a bit. I say that because my mother and Lou had a bit of a falling out 5 years ago and separated. Despite having personal daemons of his own Lou had a big heart. He was a wonderful grandfather to the boys and helped me out when I was struggling. For several years he stood in as the father figure for my little sister. He was a good soul and will be missed.

Friar YamFu

I care when crazy people do crazy things while driving.  Today on my way into the office, because I’m a working stiff, I saw two different male drivers reading something while driving and 3 separate women doing makeup while driving.  Wholey jesus hell!  If you think it’s dangerous to talk on the phone while driving try driving while your eyes are focused on something other than driving!  You people scare the shit out of me.  Especially the ladies out there putting on eyeliner while driving.  You do realize that eyeliner pen is really freakin’ close to your eyeball?  

Phew, I did it.  I wrote that with only one bad word.  Now I need a nap, that took a lot of energy.

Friar YamFu

“Working Stiff and Cursing Friar”

Thank you, Storm Large!  Your show, Crazy Enough, is bloody brilliant!

Friar YamFul

“Why God kills kittens”
(This was written several years ago.  It’s to funny to
forget.  Basically, it’s a really messed up
conversation about masturbation between Friar Jeff and
me that may or may not have occurred.)

Friar Jeff: What if God is a kitten?
Friar YamFu: Then he’s obviously getting rid of his competitors.
Friar Jeff: But what do kittens compete for?
Friar YamFu: Points, duh. The first kitten to get 1,000,000 wins
an all expenses paid trip to Ireland.
Friar Jeff: Do you think they will ever be able to clone kittens
faster than we can masturbate?
Friar YamFu: I wouldn’t worry about it.
Friar Jeff: Are you sure? I’m pretty fast.
Friar YamFu: Trust me.
Friar Jeff: What about Irish kittens? What do they win?
Friar YamFu: Naturally, you don’t have to worry about what
happens for kittens that are already *in* Ireland.
Because Ireland naturally repels kittens.
Friar Jeff: They die like leprechauns?
Friar YamFu: Like leprechauns? You mean, with hammers? Yeah,
something tells me that they do.
Friar Jeff: Then why isn’t there more pussy in my pants?
Friar YamFu: Are your pants from Ireland?
Friar Jeff: Maybe. They’re green pants. Do green pants repel
kittens? 
Friar YamFu: Look around you. Any kittens?
Friar Jeff: No…
Friar YamFu: I think that answers that question.
Friar Jeff: Why have I been cursed with such Irish pants!?
Friar YamFu: It’s all part of Ireland’s devious plan to take
over the world through clever use of the color green. 90%
of the color green is exported from Ireland.
Friar Jeff: Where does the other 10% come from?
Friar YamFu: Kitten supercollider experiments.
Friar Jeff: Kitten supercollider experiments?
Friar YamFu: Of course! That’s why we need to increase our
nation’s super colliding kitten budget. But the field still
requires many brilliant advances before it can compete with
Ireland’s natural resources.
Friar Jeff: Oh. so, if God gets a million points, she goes to
Ireland?
Friar YamFu: Sadly, no. Ireland cannot contain God. So, instead,
Ireland gets to go to Hoboken. And then God gets to go to
the hole left by Ireland.
Friar Jeff: And fills that hole with dead kittens?
Friar YamFu: Dead kittens floating in divine “dead kitten” sauce.
Let’s see Great Britain try to impose its rule over that
land! “I claim this ocean of spooge in the name of the
Queen!”
Friar Jeff: Does that mean I have to start storing “dead kitten”
sauce in jars for God?
Friar YamFu: Yes, you absolutely must collect your spent sauce for
the Lord.  If you don’t save it, any difference between what
you have spent and what you owe the Lord will be extracted
by God. Of course, I’m banking on God being female, so I’m
working on building up quite a debt, because everyone wants
to get a Holy Hand job.
Friar Jeff: Hmmm…explaining the presence of a man gravy
receptacle in my bathroom to my parents, or getting sucked
off by a vengeful feline God… I want a third option.
Friar YamFu: What’s the third option?
Friar Jeff: Um, mecha?
Friar YamFu: Woo!
Friar Jeff: Mecha it is, then.
Friar YamFu: But what about when all of the dead kittens raise
as zombies in the End Days? How will mecha protect us,
then?
Friar Jeff: The leprechauns contained in the pockets of my Irish
pants – they will be enslaved by all the shiny lights on
the mecha. They will be our anti-kitten-zombie army.
Friar YamFu: GENIUS! The Ireland-Green of the Leprechauns will
repel the zombie kittens long enough to bring the mecha’s
awesome arsenal to bear!  Unless….what if undeath
reverses the kitten-Ireland effect?
Friar Jeff: They super collide, emitting quantum Irish-kitten
particles, and viola: more leprechauns.
Friar YamFu: Thank goodness.

Friar YamFu

The Director of QA at my place of business gave me two books on CD.  Being somewhat of a fan of the author I started to listen to the first book, Dreams From My Father: A Story of Race and Inheritance by President Barack Obama.  The book was first published in 1995 some years before being elected Senator from Illinois.  It is a truly wonderful book.  It speaks with a voice and experience most of us lack but all of us need.  

I encourage everyone to read it even if you don’t care for his policies or didn’t vote for him.  This book or others like it should be required reading for our students.

Friar YamFu

Our oldest two sons first baseball game was last Saturday.  They did fantastic.  We laughed and we cheered.  I’m really looking forward to this season.  Watching how they grow and improve.  Quinton went 4 -4 while Gabe went 2-4 but drove in a few runs.  I say drove but it was more like hit the ball in the one part of the infield where there were no infielders.  Quinton caught a line drive for an out.  He was stunned.  Ah good times.

We have some pictures I’ll try to post later.

YamFu